The Next Chapter

Dear Tiffany,

     Do you remember this song?  I'm sure you do.

If you were a boat, my darling
A boat, my darling
I'd be the wind at your back
If you were afraid, my darling
Afraid, my darling
I'd be the courage you lack

If you were a bird, then I'd be a tree
And you would come home, my darling, to me
If you were asleep, then I'd be a dream
Wherever you are, that's where my heart will be

Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

If you were the ocean, I'd be the sand
If you were a song, I'd be the band
If you were the stars, then I'd be the moon
A light in the dark, my darling, for you

Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?
Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

     I wanted some inspiration so I listened to The Boat Song again since you said it would be our song.
I cried listening to this song.  I didn't cry out of sadness or any negative emotion.  I cried because this song embodies the past fourteen months of my life.  The song channels how I feel about our relationship, how I feel about our future, and how I feel about you.

     I haven't been exactly poetic with my words when we talk about graduate school.  Sometimes I just tend to listen to what you say.  But don't mistake that for apathy.  Again, I'm so proud of you for getting into graduate school.  To Northwestern University, one of the top universities in the country and in the world.  You did this against all odds and against all common sense, which makes the feat that much more impressive.  Despite your shortcomings, you still decided to put your dreams on the line for a shot at accomplishing a life achievement.  You've made it, Tiffany.  I know you didn't get into U.T.  I'm just as sad as you are.  I'm sorry.  You gave it your best shot and no one can could ask for more.  Better yet, you're a Wildcat now!  I can't believe it.  It's official.  You are attending graduate school at a top tier university and accomplishing a dream.  But this is more than a dream.  This is a turning point in your life, a fracture in your timeline.  This education, at this university, will forever cement your status in the workforce.  In it's correct application, this degree will allow you to progress further into any company than ever imagined.  This degree secures you a job for life.  This cannot be taken lightly.  With focus and determination, the moment you start graduate school, a new branch of destiny is marked in your life that only you can control and that is very powerful.

     Graduate school will be stressful and you will be tested.  But just like the song says, I will be everything that you do not have.  I will be the support you need at any moment.  To be honest, I'll write the papers for you if I have to.  I want you to know that, you'll be going to an unfamiliar town but you're strong.  You can survive and you can do it, despite what you think.  And I'll be there with you, helping you in any way that I can.  You're not going in to this alone.  You'll always have someone by your side for the rest of your life in everything that you do.

     Our future is forever entwined.  With this decision, I can see our future a little more clearly now.  The options for our future are much more concrete and the time we have to wait to finally be with each other has been shrunk in to a definitive time period.  This is beyond great news as well.  But regardless of how long it takes to be together, I'll always be there for you.  I'll always be there to support you.  I will always be the person you can rely on for anything.
 

 My heart is yours Tiffany Lieu.  It will always be.

life long treasure of destiny

Klaus:	There is a word in German, lebenslang schatz des schicksals and the closest translation would be, "life long treasure of destiny." Victoria is wunderbar, but she is not my lebenslang schatz des schicksals. She’s my beinahe leidenschaft gegenstand …it means the thing that is almost the thing that you want, but it’s not quite. That is Victoria to me.
Ted:	How do you know she’s not lebenslang schatz des schicksals? Maybe as the years go by she’ll get lebenslangerschicksalsschatz…ier?
Klaus:	lebenslang schatz des schicksals is not something that develops over time. It is something that happens instantaneously. It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin…have you ever felt this way about someone?
Ted:	…I think so.
Klaus:	If you have to think about it, you have not felt it.
Ted:	And you’re absolutely sure you’ll find that someday?
Klaus:	Of course. Everyone does eventually… you just never know when or where.

dear andy, 

loving you, feeling as though you're everything i could ever want out of life, wanting to be with you —is the easiest thing. relationships take work and commitment to maintain, but loving you is effortless.

you, andy, are my lebenslang schatz des schicksals. and i can only hope i am the same for you.

yours & always.

It's natural

Some things come easily to me.  Waking up late.  Playing basketball.  Eating cereal.  And being with you.  You always hear about how relationships are difficult and that people always have to make compromises to make it work.  We are not those people.

It's so easy to be with you Tiffany.  It's like breathing, walking, or driving.  I don't force it, I'm simply there with you.  That's how I know you're the one for me.  I love you and there's nothing that will ever change that, no amount of distance or any amount of time.

You are simply the other piece to my puzzle and you've solved everything.  I cherish your existence and cannot wait for the day we are together in the same state.

Love always, forever and ever
     Your other piece

nine months + five days

dear andy,

i didn't get a chance to write you on our anniversary. so happy 9 months + 5 day. it has been the best 9 months (and 5 days) of my life. the song that was included in my last letter was such a representation of how grateful i am to have you as a part of my life. the past 9 months has truly shown me what i’ve been living for. what all the pain, suffering, life lessons were leading me to.

i always try to recall the first time i met you in 2009. it’s a blur to me, because i didn’t give it much thought. you would forever be known as that guy who never followed up on taking me out. but it wasn't anything i dwelled on. we were just two people at different points in our life. and quite frankly, i didn't think i would ever see you again.

sometimes, like right now, i catch myself trying very hard to recollect any memories from that day. and i can't recollect as much as i would like. had i known that day and meeting you would be so significant later in my life, i would written every single detail. but life is unexpected like that.

i can't wait to see you in december. but i hope that someday soon, i'll be able to say that "i can't wait to see you tonight/this morning/tomorrow" and no longer in months at a time. as i've said before, that day can't come soon enough.

i love you.

yours & always.

your love is my turning page

dear andy,

it's only been about an hour in half since you've left, but it feels like an eternity. i don't know how it's possible, but it actually feels like it gets harder and harder every time.  maybe because every day, i love you a little more and the thought of being apart and separating from you becomes that much more unbearable. you're right, the day when we finally get to be together in the same place, will be the best day yet.  i can't wait.

i've waited a hundred years.but i'd wait a million more for you.nothing prepared me forwhat the privilege of being yours would do.
if i had only felt the warmth within your touch,if i had only seen how you smile when you blush,or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough,i would have known what i was living for all along.what i've been living for.
your love is my turning page,where only the sweetest words remain.every kiss is a cursive line,every touch is a redefining phrase.
i surrender who i've been for who you are,for nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.if i had only felt how it feels to be yours,well, i would have known what I've been living for all along.what i've been living for.
though we're tethered to the story we must tell,when i saw you, well, i knew we'd tell it well.with a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.

 

yours & always.

today's the day.

dear andy,

today is the day. the day that you get here. the day that i finally get to see you again. and starting today, we get to be a normal couple again, at least for a little while. i'm incredibly excited to see you. you're in flight right now, but i hope this letter will reach you somehow.

it has been a hard few days. again, darkness has arrived just in time for my birthday. i think of my cousin and all i feel is sadness. it's a feeling i haven't experienced before, at least not for another person. part of me wants to see him again, to talk to him, to do all those things one last time, but i can't bring myself to do it. because it would be as though i was submitting to the belief that he's not going to make it through this. that i accepted his demise. i don't believe it. i can't believe it.

life is short. i don't know what i would do if knew i only had a limited amount of time left to live. i think about it sometimes and it's never nearly as sad as losing someone close to me. i feel as though i would take their place every time. i can't stand the idea of living without my family or living without you.

but enough talk about life and death. today is not the day for that.  today is a day to celebrate and to embrace. today is the day that i get to see you again. the day that my phone is no longer my boyfriend, but you are. i can't wait to hold your hand and feel your arms around me. i can't wait to look into your eyes while you tell me you love me. the moment can't come quick enough.


yours & always.

sleeplessness

dear andy,

i though that i wasn't going to make it this morning. i ended up sleeping an additional hour on top of my original alarm time. i got to work forty-five minutes later than i wanted, so an additional forty-five minutes i will have to stay. this is miserable. and i'm relieved i only have to do it for one more day, but even that makes me cringe. monday will be a little better, but the hours will still be long. and tuesday... well, it doesn't even matter, because all that matters is that i get to see you at the end of it. i can't say it enough, because there aren't enough words to describe how elated i am that you'll soon be here.

i hope you won't be too exhausted from your crazy work schedule this weekend and i wish all the luck on starting your new job. it's been a long road to get here, but alas you're here now and closer to where you'll ideally want to be... with me! haha just kidding. but in all seriousness, you are definitely on the pathway to great things in your career, and i'll be cheering for you every step of the way.

i believe that i will take your suggestion on that nap today. i was going to say, nap until you got home. but i forgot i still need to study for my class on sunday. either way, the nap is happening and somehow, someway, this will work. my body is mad. very mad. oh don't forget to remind me to buy those cooking class tickets when you read this.

i am just rambling now, ha.  so i shall leave you now with...

unintentionally suspicious quotation marks. huh? what? ha. check that out. it's pretty hilarious.


five more days. please come sooner.


yours & always.